It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
