You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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