the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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