she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
