my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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