Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
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