Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
