i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
All I want is dick and wine.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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