...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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