the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
