I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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