I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
