pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
