Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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