I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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