A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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