The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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