shes about as inviting as chlamydia
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
