it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
