So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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