Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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