her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
