i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
