she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
