i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
