Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
