So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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