Cold hands, warm shart.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
