is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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