Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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