Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
