apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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