She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
