so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
