Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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