I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
