We're like a lot better than the average bears
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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