I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
