i permit you to call me
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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