Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
