Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
