He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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