Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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