he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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