just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
