She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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