well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
