Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
