He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I did not marry a roomba.
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