The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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