I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
