I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
