the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm like, not good at living.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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