you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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