Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My bed smells like the plague
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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