You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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