Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
