hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
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You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
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If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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