I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
