remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
