Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
