I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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