Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
