we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
