i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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