Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
