my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
