hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
