Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
