We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
