I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
