my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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