i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
