guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
