Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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