I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
