he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
