okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
